Month: May 2018

Is this as sassy as a septuagenarian can get?

As promised, another disturbing (or alluring...?) Robot Butler tale from the library. Take whatever enjoyment you can from this, but please - don't forget to share the story of my incarceration in the library with the outside world. Maybe one day my story will reach the right ears, and I will be saved... Until next… Continue reading Robot Butler #2: Two’s Company, Three’s a Crowd →

This so-called ‘Shifty Man’ is mentioned in thousands of works in The Oogazoid Library. He seems to be a kind of folk figure, inspiring fear and awe across multiple cultures and ages. I, for one, will be checking my ears daily from now on.

This smut (why does the library stock it?) has taught me three lessons: 1. Death comes for us all, in more ways than one. 2. When getting married, always check the small print. 3. Always check your closet for sneaky secret vicars.

A master's forbidden love for his robot. A tale as old as time, in this universe as in every other. The longing for belonging. For a small, warming light of comfort and understanding in what can too often be a cold, dark, and unsympathetic world. It's come a long way, this 'love' thing. From its… Continue reading Robot Butler #1: Servin’ Dinner, Breakin’ Hearts →

According to Horace the oogazoid, who knows about these things, this is 'basically what happens in every episode of Poldark. Except here he's a shark.'

This one pretty much speaks for itself. Wherever you are, in whichever universe, I hope you are having a better day than I am in the Oogazoid Library - today is Tuesday, and that means it’s Oogazoid Toe Nail Clipping Day. Well I say ‘nail’. Does the hardened, grimy crust on the end of an… Continue reading The Meaning of Life →

'The Amazing Therapuss'...well. Surely this comic's creator must know that the pun underpinning their entire piece is disgraceful? It's not funny, it's not clever, and it doesn't strictly work. Although it is certainly one of the most reprehensible items I have found during my time in the Oogazoid Library, I would not say it is… Continue reading The Amazing Therapuss →

I have no idea what the above creature may be, and thought at first it must be one of the many mythical beasts that have stalked the collective imaginations of countless cultures across the universe. But I am reliably informed by Horace, an oogazoid I am on friendly terms with, that this is in fact… Continue reading The Insatiable Oozing Lump →

Some tuna would be very welcome right now, I haven't had fish in years. There are many mysterious pools in the library, of course, but whether they have fish in them is anyone's guess. I haven't dared to investigate them too closely yet. They whisper at me as I pass...and sometimes...sometimes they giggle. What could… Continue reading The Special Man →